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A Really Big Mean Dog Rant About Justice

March 3, 2015

Everybody needs to take a deep cleansing breath right about now.

As your Queen/Dean of Fuckery/Law Professor/resident sarcasm expert, sometimes it is up to me to make the hard decisions and I’m making one now.  Unfortunately, the things I am about to say are no doubt going to upset some of you, but I speak from experience and from a place that has come to accept that life is not all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.

I have watched twitter today, for the first time in months.  I’m very sorry that I did.  There has been fighting, there has been name calling, there has been freaked out posts every 2 seconds.  Every time Juan, or Flores or one of the Alexanders moves there are 50 bajillion tweets about what it all means.  I’m about to tell you.  IT MEANS NOTHING.

The Jury has been out for a long time.  They have already come back and had to have a dynamite charge given.  This means that as of this minute they are deadlocked.  There is no conspiracy, there is no stealth juror.  If anything, the weight of knowing you are the person responsible for the death of a living person, even one as vile and undeserving of that life is maybe to much to have to carry for some of them for the rest of their natural lives.  The Jury did not give an oath to give death because if they had there would have been no need for a penalty phase.  They said they would be able to impose death if they felt it was merited. There is a huge difference there.  A grand canyon sized one.

I believe strongly that we may have a hung jury. AGAIN.  I’m not saying that is a hundred percent, but I would say that odds are good.  Now I’m going to say the thing that is going to bother some of you.  If we have a hung Jury, so fucking what.  So what if the jury hangs again.  Stabby is still convicted, Stabby is still going to Perryville and Stabby is still going to be sentenced.  And if anyone thinks that Not a Judge would give her anything less than natural life is out of their minds because her career as a jurist would be over.  In theory she could, but odds are slim to none.  And in reality this solves oh so many problems.  With a death penalty Stabby can appeal for the next 20 years.  20 more years of the spotlight every time she files an appeal.  What if during one of those appeals she is granted a new trial and the Alexanders have to go through this all over again.  What about them?  I know they want her to die right now.  And I totally get that, I really truly do.  I’d want her to die. But being sentenced to death and the sentence being carried out are two entirely different animals.  What if Arizona abolishes the death penalty before her number is up after all of those appeals?  The way things are going with lethal injection I wouldn’t be even remotely surprised.

Imagine for a moment what natural life in Perryville would be like for the special little snowflake that is Stabby fucking Einstein.  All of my sources tell me that she will be a target from the moment she sets foot in the place.  Imagine the cred that someone who managed to shank her.  People do get killed in prison sometimes, but it is not a rampant thing like they would have you believe on TV, and besides, the inmates would probably have more fun air holing her a couple of times then flat out killing her.   Imagine what it will be like for her when the spotlight is turned off for the last time and she has to assimilate into a prison where she is basically hated.  Where everyone has heard all the versions of her trumped up bullshit.  No more trips to the courthouse, no more being the center of attention, no more anything.  Just spending time in her 4 x 6 cell with nothing to do but read and think about how it was her that got her where she is now.

A lifetime of prison food.  A lifetime of prison entertainment and prison noise and prison showers.  A lifetime of absolute misery.  I like the idea of watching her slowly rot in prison.  Don’t get me wrong, I will be doing the happy dance along with the rest of you if it is death, but I may do an even bigger one if it is LWOP.  Life for this particular person is a much worse punishment than death as far as I am concerned.  Does she deserve to die?  In my opinion yes she does for the horrific acts perpetrated on Travis Alexander.  Will she die?  I think not.

Another thought.  Do you think that Travis would want revenge or repentance?   Think about that, and the man he was.  Do you really think that a man the caliber of Travis Alexander would be screaming for her death or do you think he would try and find it in his heart to forgive her for what she has done?  I think Travis was that kind of man.  I think (although of course I can not know) but I think he would think that her having to live with what she has done for the rest of her natural life would be the ultimate punishment.

And that is my two cents on deliberations as they stand.

Justice in whatever form it comes for Travis Alexander and please god let his family have some peace.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

 

 

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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-Trial The Somebody Is A Complete Hypocrite Edition

February 11, 2015

I’m everywhere-nowhere Ontario

I still do not have a definitive answer to the denial of the supreme court thing and since Skyping Arizona was obviously sarcasm I’m going with it was denied since that seems to be on most feeds.

Hai everybody. Hope you all had a perfectly lovely day. I apologize for not being around much today, I was much to busy being every single person on the internet. The global village is a lie, it’s all just me on 7 Billion different computers. To all the Russians out there, sorry my Russian is a little rusty, I’ll try and bone up so you think you are really talking to your friend Boris next time.

EDIT:  I have now read from Paul what actually happened and it is as many of you thought, much ado about nothing.  Mikal swore to Paul she was  just singing about somewhere they were going to eat. I sing for no reason sometimes so that is entirely plausible.  So to Mikal I’m sorry I even said that you allegedly may have done this.  You seem like a fairly nice woman and I probably should have just asked.  You have my sincere apologies.

So court started today with it’s regularly scheduled sidebar. I wonder if her calendar actually says, bring in Jury, sidebar, seat whoever is testifying, listing to Alfred E. Asshat whine about whatever, sidebar, start proceedings.

Detective Brown was sworn in, NOT Detective Smith who we were expecting because Alfred E. Isadick is still having kittens about him testifying at all. Anyway Detective Brown was a member of the Mesa PD from 2003 to 2014 and assigned to computer forensics. He is a computer forensics specialist certified. He took Travis’ harddrive on November 11 2014 and he became involved because of the alleged porn sites. The pitbull was in fine form and asked Brown about how many porn sites were involved and Jenny, who was most definitely out of weed and not happy about it deployed the objectomatic 3000 and a sidebar ensued.

Back from the sidebar Brown read the list of porn sites found on the computer. He conducted an experiment. He cleaned the hard drive, wiped and zeroed it out. He then installed spybot the same version that Travis had. He also added the same Operating system. He found every single one of the porn sites after installing Spybot search and destroy. The program lists the sites it’s looking out for. Kind of like inoculating the computer. Juan asked if any of the sites were manually accessed and Jenny was shrieking objection loud enough to be heard in Japan before he even finished the question. And of course we have a sidebar. Is this the new normal? Can’t anybody just object and be denied or sustained anymore.

Brown said he found thousands of malicious sites, not just the thirteen that the defense alleged that Travis looked at. Detective Brown next discussed the N-Case forensic copy of the hard drive and he can wipe a hard drive with it. Detective Brown looked for child porn for 3 straight days and he didn’t find any, zero, none, nada, zip in the child porn department. He did find 4 adult pornographic thumbnail images. OMG hang on, a thirty year old man looked at porn. Someone get the smelling salts I think I feel faint. Sometimes Judge Stephens called recess and ChaCha and Stabby went and fought over the swings.

Back from recess Jenny is up on cross and she is still pissed about the whole weed thing obviously. She begins to ask Detective Brown about when he made the copy of the hard drive and Stabby is so enthralled she is doodling horns onto Nurmi’s head. Jenny says that Melendez never found the images he found and Brown speaks slowly so maybe Jenny will understand that programs have improved and something that may not have been found five years ago now can be found. Jenny wants to know if the photographs he found were porn. Brown says two were. Adult porn. There is no earth shattering evidence being brought to light and everybody is bored. Jenny brings up some porn dating site that Travis apparently visited. Once again a man interested in porn. Someone catch me. Jenny wants to introduce pictures from the site, Juan strenuously objects and I think Alfred E. might be playing pocket pool at the very idea. Jenny gets shut down and pouts for a minute. We are still talking about porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. Corn, horn, forlorn, born, worn, reborn, torn, born, suborn, adjourn…..

Juan is back up and we have an immediate sidebar. Because of course we do.

Juan asked how often Travis visited porn sites. Detective Brown very definitively answered one time. Juan then asked if there were any porn movies found on the hard drive. Brown answered that no there were not.

We had one Juror Question only
Can spybot search and destroy software add to the computer registry. Answer: No, internet explorer needs history in a different part of the registry.

Noon Recess is called so that Alfred E. Imabitch can whine his way through a motion to preclude Detective Smith. Smith is in the courtroom waiting to see if he is going to be testifying and for whatever reason Jenny wants him ejected. Maybe he knows where to get some weed? Jenny says that the fact that there is no report from him is a problem and just scrolled through the computer and did an interview and she can’t just take his word for it. Juan argues back at the defense idiots as to why Smith should be allowed to testify. Smiths boss took him off of everything so that he could speed up his report. Juan reminds sometimes Judge Stephens that this is a motion for reconsideration of the original motion to preclude which was denied. It was re-denied. The next order of business on the all whine all the time train was the ChaCha incident. Now, if what has been said is true (and it rings true I have to say) then what a bunch of hypocrites the fans of Juan Martinez are. Juan is Hispanic in case none of them noticed. So is Cha Cha. To make fun of one because of their ethnicity is to make fun of the other. Is this really that hard to figure out? Alfred E. wants Mikal and 3 others removed from the courtroom, sometimes Judge Stephens says since she didn’t see it she cannot just boot them without a hearing. Nurmi wants a hearing. Sometimes Judge Stephens says she is not making the jury wait any longer but there is going to be a hearing on this at some point trust me. Even the Judge said she was not amused.

Finally Perry Smith is sworn in. Juan asked about the computer being turned on between 10 and 11 on June 19th while in police custody as the fucktards of the apocalypse have implied and he corrects Juan and says no it was last opened at 4:10. Jenny is immediately up and bitching about the report she doesn’t have that will say exactly the same thing he just said on the stand. Smith says that the computer was in defense custody when it was turned on. Juan points out that the defense has interviewed Smith three times to which Jenny objects because of course she does.

The bombshell of the day came when Juan let the defense know that Lonnie Dworkin (of the defense) would be testifying for the prosecution tomorrow. AND THE FOUR IDIOTS OF THE APOCALYPSE COMPLETELY LOST THEIR SHIT. Nurmi is calling it unethical, not on Juans part, on dworkins, and saying his testimony should be precluded. Juan is in such a good mood he ever offered the defense a copy of the questions he planned to ask him. I would call this check and mate I believe. Nurmi, after phoning in an order for one of everything at taco bell for pick up tells the Judge he isn’t going to have a witness ready until the 18th and proceeded to blame everyone from the prosecution to his witnesses to the Judge herself. Sometimes Judges Stephens was not the one today however and told Numnuts he better have a witness on the stand on the 17th mmmmmkay. Bitch wasn’t playing either. She wants this damn trial done, just like everyone else on the planet.

That is it for tonight. Special thanks to Mama for holding down the fort today.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.

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The Stabby Arias Penalty Phase Re-Trial -The OMG Edition

February 9, 2015

Examine this – Juan Martinez
Hai everybody. Welcome to yet another thrilling edition of the trial that just refuses to end.

Sometimes Judge Stephens wasn’t playing today and had two vets on stand-by just in case, as well as a couple of chew toys and full attack suits for the defense.

Of course court couldn’t start without a motion for mistrial for something. This one seemed to be regarding Geffner. Oral arguments are set for the 17th. Alfred E. Fuckhead doesn’t want oral arguments but Sometimes Judge Stephens said tough tittie she will wait for the State’s reponse and will hold oral arguments.

The luminous Dr. DeMarte is back on the stand and Alfred E. is still crossing her. Basically blah blah blah your are a toddler, blah blah blah, a bunch of stuff about being a student and not having experience as a doctor. He is really hammering home about her young age and what he terms lack of experience but the jury isn’t feeling it. Dr. DeMarte definitely knows her shit. Nurmi is so mad he is almost forming spit bubbles but Dr.DeMarte maintains her composure much to her credit. She said she is able to say she has 8 years of experience because she was seeing patients and this is a standard practice.

Nurmi continues to scream, as in scream that you can’t say you have that experience of you were not licensed. DeMarte does not have a shit to give about anything that Alfred E. Isadick has to say and remains cool under fire. Sometimes Judge Stephens motioned for the vet to hold his fire in hopes that Nurmi would get himself under control.

Nurmi then said that Dr.(so not a doctor) Geffner had to explain some rule for Dr. DeMarte. Juan is up and objecting and a dart was successfully deployed. Apparently not taking any chances with a raging loose pitbull in the courtroom. Nurmi said that Geffner gave Dr. Demarte an admonishment not to release questions for tests because she had done it in the past. Dr. DeMarte says that is not correct. Nurmi gets transcripts from the guilt phase. Oh the little bastard is trying to impeach Dr. DeMarte. Juan immediately objects and we have an approach. Nurmi tries again and Juan rips the head off of his chew toy and now we have a sidebar.

Well, that didn’t work out to well for the great and powerful Alfred. E so now he is telling the jury that Dr. DeMarte has a habit of breaking the rules. Dr. DeMarte shoots back that Nurmi doesn’t understand the rules and I peed a little. Juan is objecting so much that Flores has moved the muzzle to closer proximity and also the catch pole is within easy reach.

This went on for about another thousand hours before Nurmi finally gave it up.

We have finally, mercifully (thank you baby jesus) moved on to something actually having to do with the fucking trial. Nurmi say something about the validity scales saying a test was valid. I have no clue what test. He asked Dr. DeMarte when she became a guru on these matters. (I’m totally serious, an actual trial lawyer actually said that). Dr. DeMarte asked if that was a question.

We will now be going into the masturbation part of the program again, so I will give you all a moment to dig out your Pretoria puke buckets. Nurmi taks about the journals and used it as evidence that Stabby did not see Travis masturbating. (I feel dirty every single time I have to type that just so you all know). DeMarte said that Stabby not writing about it in her journal implies that the incident never happened. Alfred E. Pervert asked if it was subjective data that Travis knew what a 12 year old girls orgasm sounded like. (you know what, I’m just going to interject here for a minute. Now, I personally did not find out what a personal orgasm sounded like till I was waaaay older than 12, but a lot of people that I knew when I was younger did and they found it out with 12 and 13 year old boys, why in the name of god is this a thing? Why?) Anyway, DeMarte said that was not objective data. Nurmi finally shut the fuck up and sat back down in his chair to recline while Juan went back up.

Everyone looked a little concerned as the pitbull began his trademark pace. Foam dripped from his muzzle and his face was in a half snarl. Of course as soon as everyone had been herded into their places we had a sidebar and everybody had to leave the courtroom again.
And now the Judge called a recess. Nobody seems to know for how long. Probably long enough to find some stronger drugs for Juan.

After another sidebar, people in, people out, a very concerned looking defense team, the jury has been herded back in and Juan is back up. Juan wants to know about Dr. DeMartes ethical obligations. She replies that her ethical obligations are that the tests do not get replicated. What are your ethical obligations on psychological tests? She said that she had to maintain the test security.

Juan wants to know if mental illness is just a label to which the stunning Dr. DeMarte says yes. So, does Stabby know right from wrong? Yes she does. Nurmi is objecting like rocky road icecream has been discontinued but he is getting overruled at every single turn.

Once again it is brought up that DeMarte diagnosed Stabby with BPD and depression and adjustment disorder. Basically we are going over DeMartes entire Psychological report again and I’m sick of writing about it so blah blah blah psych stuff, blah blah blah Borderline personality disorder.

Juan wants to know how many times DeMarte used the term mental illness in her report. She thinks two or three times. And another sidebar. Seems like every other question is a sidebar. Juan asked if any prison inmate had trouble adjusting would that mean that they all suffer mental illness. DeMarte says yes and for the first time I disagree with Dr. DeMarte.

Juan asks if Stabby was described as being clingy and jealous and Dr. DeMarte said yes. Wasn’t Stabby found hiding under Travis’s Christmas tree? Yes.

Juan gets Dr. DeMarte to read an email that Stabby sent to Travis after he was already dead. Now another email after he was dead asking if he was going to deposit the check. Another email where she says she and Travis will see the sites in Oregon and she will be visiting him.

Nurmi objects hard to what is coming in next, the journal entries after Travis was killed but the judge was all Bye Felicia and let them in. Journal entry from July 9 2008, it talks about Ryan Burns. Jodi writes lies to herself in her journal She is afraid people will thing she killed Travis even though she totally didn’t and wasn’t even there and the ninjas did it. OMG the fucking bullshit in this journal. Please let it be lunchtime soon. YAY!! LUNCHTIME.

Back from lunch Juan had just a couple more questions regarding DV. DeMarte said in her opinion that Stabby is not a victim of domestic violence. She also said Stabby knew right from wrong and did not suffer from PTSD.

And finally the jury questions.
1. In your assessment was Stabby mentally ill before the murder. DeMarte said she doesn’t believe Stabby truly had BPD

2.What are the specifics about Geffners tests and errors? Dr.DeMarte any psychologist could pick up on his errors.

3. Juror wants to know about DeMarte’s experience treating domestic violence and sexual abuse. She refers back to her training.

4. Did DeMarte treat patients with or without supervision in 04? DeMarte says that she saw patients without someone in the room but met with supervisor weekly.

There were more but they were mostly along the same line which leads me to believe that the jury might be buying into this mentally ill shit but that’s me.

The some very weird things started happening in court. Sometimes Judge Stephens called all the lawyers to the bench. Then each juror was called privately into chambers. There will be no trial tomorrow. They are to return Wednesday at 9:30am.

that was just weird and nobody looks happy. Not the prosecution, not the Alexander family, not the defense, NOBODY.

So that is it for tonight. I’m tired and this is longer than it should have probably been.

RBMD peacing the fuck out.


While I Ditch The Flu – A Guest Blog By My Friend Paul Sanders- The 13th Juror.

January 16, 2015

regularly scheduled programming should return this evening.

The Jodi Arias Death Penalty Retrial: A Juror’s Perspective

by The 13th Juror MD

 

DAY 23

 

“RAINDROP IN A HURRICANE”

 

 

“Justice is whatever is left over after the filtration of truth in a Court of Law.”

 

This quote appears in my first book, “Brain Damage: A Juror’s Tale” (available on Amazon.com). It captures my sentiments after being a Juror for almost six months in the matter of the first degree premeditated murder of Dale Harrell by Marissa DeVault. I have noted many times that there are amazing similarities to the Arias death penalty retrial and the cruel and heinous killing of Travis Alexander. The biggest similarity in both Juries is that both Juries know that there is an incredible amount of information that they are not being told. They can feel it in every sidebar and know it with every argument that exposes statements that are stricken from the record.

 

The Jury does not know why the media and public was not present the day and a half that Arias testified last October. They do not know that her transcripts were finally released to the public this week. They are unaware that at the completion of the testimony of John Smith, the data scientist, that Judge Stevens would render a decision that the death penalty may or may not be taken off the table.

 

This Jury can feel the tension between the attorneys handling both sides of the case. The Jury does not know that the purpose of these arguments are more for the Judge than for them.

Kirk Nurmi began with John Smith on the stand concluding the incomplete testimony of a couple of days prior. Kirk Nurmi wore a black suit with white shirt accented by a blue tie. He had a bar graph posted on the projection screens for the Jury and court to see. He was pursuing a block of time on this graph that signified when the defense team had been looking at this laptop. The date was June 19, 2009.

 

The web activity that could be seen was for a period of two hours in the afternoon. This was the same day that Juan Martinez and Esteban Flores were present. John Smith said that a USB port was used and twelve files were accessed in the afternoon. These were noted on the graphs as hours number fifteen and sixteen.

 

“I want to discover a little more on what happened with this computer on June 19, 2009,” he said to John Smith who was on the stand. Mr. Nurmi pointed toward another set of blocked colors on the graph. “In this regard, then, with this file, can you tell the Court what happened at 11:00 PM?”

 

John Smith was wearing a light purple shirt complimented with a purple tie and a black suit. His trademark beard, like that of a Red Sox ball player, stood out. He was calm on the stand throughout all of his testimony. However, the same issues stood with him as they did before. He was a self-proclaimed data scientist with no formal education. This is a big problem with the Jury and would be the one issue that prohibits them from taking him seriously. Just the same, he held his ground speaking calmly and knowledgeably on his subject.

 

“We ran a scan on this computer, a Compaq Presario and we could see the activity in the afternoon around three o’clock. If you were to look after that, there is no activity on the computer for about six hours and then we see activity at eleven o-clock at night,” John Smith stated.

 

Kirk Nurmi paced in front of his witness, his head leaning forward. “What does this activity mean to you as a data scientist?”

 

“I can see that images were Googled. There is an image we found called, Siamese Twins. It’s doubtful that the computer generated this search on its own,” he said.

“Can you tell the, or let me back up, if I can ask it this way,” Kirk Nurmi began. One could go have lunch and come back before he finished half of a question. “Can you tell us specifically what the path was of this activity at eleven o’clock at night?”

 

“It is apparent from this report that through a default page, someone accessed ‘my computer’ and then accessed a file called Siamese Twins. It shows over twenty results. They are mostly images from folders that contain pictures and documents. These files are about a minute apart,” John Smith explained.

 

“I see,” Kirk Nurmi said as if he was contemplating the answer. “These files were accessed, loaded into the browser and someone searched within the computer?”

 

“It appears so,” John Smith admitted.

 

“I’m finished with this witness,” Kirk Nurmi said as he gathered his papers from the podium that he did not use.

 

“Very good,” Judge Stevens said. She looked toward the witness and then toward the Jury. “Does the Jury have any questions for this witness before we dismiss him?” she asked.

 

I was proud of the Jury when they jumped to life submitting a basket full of questions. Arizona is one of few states that allow questions to be asked by the Jury. The questions can only be submitted at the conclusion of testimony of a witness. These questions are asked anonymously and done via an official Jury Question form featuring the seal of the State of Arizona. They are a great tool for Justice and, as a former Juror, I can say that critical information was pulled from witnesses that we not otherwise would have been a party to. We used many of those answers during our three phases of deliberation.

Randy strutted over to the front of the Jury box and removed the handful of papers. He handed them to Judge Stevens and the attorneys were called forward to approve the questions. There are times that questions are submitted but not approved by the Court to be answered. All three parties confer on each question. Finally, the attorneys went back to their seats while Judge Stevens turned toward the Jury and looked at John Smith while she read each question word for word. Being that these questions were handwritten, some questions were harder for her to decipher making her struggle to read the words at times.

 

“In 2009, you said the computer files showed modifications and a search. What was searched and who did it?” she asked John Smith.

 

He looked toward the Judge. “I do not think they were done via the internet, I know that. There were local file searches within the computer. I do not know who searched the computer,” he answered.

 

Judge Stevens separated that question sheet and moved to the next question. “Were all computer modified files modified by cleaners or were they done physically by someone?”

John Smith appeared to think before he spoke. “There is a “Spy Block” cleaning program which can modify files. For the most part, it looks like files were cleaned directly.”

 

“Can files be specifically cleaned?” Judge Stevens asked, holding a new question in front of her.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can cleaning programs work or change files when computer is off?”

 

“Absolutely not,” John Smith answered confidently.

“In reference to start up lists, are they automatically modified?” she asked him.

 

“It is really operating system dependent,” he answered.

 

Judge Stevens shuffled her papers to the next question. She peered over her glasses at John Smith occasionally as she read the question to him. “Please explain over written files and how to get them back.”

 

“It is harder to get files back when they have been cleaned by a program. If the files are deleted, it is a lot easier to get them back because they are not really deleted. The file just moves to unallocated space on a computer,” he explained.

 

“On a search bar, how do you know if someone searched an actual topic?” the Judge asked as she read the Juror question.

 

“There is a registry history. In that registry, terms are searched by a human and they are not automated searches.”

 

“Do things attach to other files from spam and viruses?” the question asked.

 

“Yes,” he answered. “We call it ‘hooking’ and they can modify files. It is usually for advertising reasons.”

 

“Is there evidence of a virus that had to be removed?”

“Yes, there were a variety of them including “Z-Lob” and a handful of others.”

 

“Can malware hijack a system to get pornography?”

 

“Yes,” he answered without explanation.

 

The Judge stacked the questions and put them somewhere on her desk and looked toward the defense table. Arias was chatting quietly with Jennifer Willmott in her ear. She was wearing a tan sweater top with loose fitting black pants. Kirk Nurmi gathered his things and walked up to question his witness who was waiting patiently on the stand.

 

Kirk Nurmi’s questions were directed at the computer. He was wanted attention toward June 1, 2008, the day he alleged Travis Alexander was searching for pornography. “So, if we look at the browser history, we can assume that a virus did not use the browser?” he asked.

“The browser is separate from a virus,” John Smith answered.

 

Kirk Nurmi stood in his Sherlock Holmes pose acting as if he was framing a question very carefully. “So,” he said with a pause, “we can see a list of sites in the browser. Let’s take “Babies Pornography Magazine”. It’s in the browser. Did a virus look for that?”

 

“No, definitely not,” John Smith said. “These were searched for by a human and could not have come from a virus even if the virus had hijacked pornography.”

 

“What about these cleaner programs?” Nurmi asked. “Could they put this in the browser?”

 

“Spy Block or any program like that cannot put things or items in a browser. These search terms were undoubtedly from human interaction,” John Smith stated.

 

Kirk Nurmi nodded that he was finished and went back to the defense table.

 

Juan Martinez stood up and walked toward John Smith while the court and Jury waited silently. One never knew what was going to come out of his mouth and that elevated the tension. Juan stopped about five feet from the witness.

 

He looked toward his feet and then at John Smith. “One of the things you referred to,” Juan started, “is that you are a ‘Data Scientist’. You used a tool in your research called “Autopsy”, did you not?”

 

“Objection!” Kirk Nurmi jumped up yelling.

 

“Please approach,” Judge Stevens said.

 

The attorneys had their thousandth sidebar while the Court and Jury waited with white noise over our heads. Moments later, the attorneys returned to their seats while Juan Martinez stopped at the center of the room in front of John Smith and began a tirade of rapid fire questions. He would ask a question and then begin pacing like a cage lion.

 

“You did use a program called “Autopsy”, didn’t you?”

 

“Yes,” John Smith answered calmly. One got the feeling that he did not know what the hustle and bustle was about.

 

“It’s a free program for everyone?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s never been verified, has it?” Juan accused.

 

“Not really,” he answered. “I have not had any issues with it.”

 

“Don’t police departments normally use a program called “EM Case”?

 

“I think so,” John Smith answered.

 

“Let’s talk about the term UTC,” Juan said quickly changing subjects. “What is UTC on a computer? “

 

“It stands for Universal Time Code,” the witness answered.

 

“Yes, it does,” Juan agreed. “What is seven minus twenty two?”

 

“Uh,” John Smith said, stalling. “It’s, um, fifteen.”

 

“Correct. It is fifteen hundred or three o’clock. Right?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“The two intrusions in green on your “Autopsy” Graph are really the same times, aren’t they?”

 

John Smith looked a little confused as he thought about the two separate times that the computer showed searches the day the defense team looked at the computer with the prosecution in the room in June of 2009. “I don’t think so,” he said, finally.

 

Juan took a couple steps toward the prosecution table away from the witness. He turned toward the witness and crossed his arms over his chest. “Where did you go to school?”

 

“San Jose State, Sir,” John answered.

 

“Did you graduate from San Jose State?” Juan Martinez asked.

 

“No,” he answered.

 

“Did you graduate from anywhere?”

 

“Uh, no,” he answered.

 

“Do you have any degree, Sir?” Juan asked raising his voice.

 

“No,” he answered quietly.

 

“All your information was collected from “Autopsy”?

 

“Pretty much,” he answered.

 

“Okay,” Juan said. “Did you use “EM Case”, what professional computer forensics normally use?”

 

“No.”

 

“How about “PTK” which another computer forensics tool recognized by police departments? Did you obtain results from that as data scientist?”

 

“No,” he answered.

 

“All the results you obtained came from one tool called “Autopsy”, right?” Juan Martinez reiterated.

 

“Yes, Sir.”

 

“You used that program and then gave us the results. Am I right?”

 

“Yes, Sir,” he answered.

 

Kirk Nurmi got up and slowed everything down by questioning his now defunct witness. It was like bringing someone back from the dead a week after they were gone. He was not going to be resurrected despite Kirk Nurmi trying to show that big businesses hired the services of John Smith. It was mentioned that the Department of Homeland Security trusted John Smith to do work for them.

 

Kirk Nurmi emphasized in questioning that these corporations had no concern that he did not graduate from college proven by their continuation of using John’s services. He further tried to show that no one had ever complained about using this unrecognized tool, “Autopsy”.

 

I know as speaking from experience as a Juror that Juan Martinez caused significant damage. His questioning was pointed, direct and clear and concise in its intent. I further see that the plethora of questions, more questions than this Jury has asked any witness, are an indication that not only is this Jury engaged, they are also searching for truth in a muddled array of inconsequential details. They are struggling to see the importance of anything having to do with the computer especially with the array of viruses found on it.

 

We were dismissed for lunch and I went to Crazy Jims to have a salad. It’s across the street and a block down from the Court house. Although I like their pizza by the slice, I thought a salad a little more healthy and I didn’t want to risk getting sleepy in Court. Our Jury used to go to Crazy Jims a lot because few Court personnel could be found there.

 

I was making my way back to the Court house and I ran into Judge Steinle and Donna, my old Judge and his assistant. There is nothing like an ex-Juror being able to talk to the seated Judge on a trial they shared. The respect endowed each other is mutual and lifelong. It is completely refreshing to be able to talk to a person that you had been prohibited to speak with for six months.

There were a hundred questions I probably wanted to ask him but only thought of a few. At one point, when he asked me of the Arias Trial and how it was proceeding, I responded that I felt it was painstakingly slow in comparison to the speed of his death penalty trial. He laughed in understanding and then quipped, “I don’t do sidebars.”

 

I can still picture him when attorneys were presenting arguments. I cannot tell you how many times Judge Steinle III would unabashedly tell the attorneys, no matter which side, “Save it for appeal, gentlemen! Let’s move along. We have a jury empaneled.”

 

I think Dale Harrell, the victim in our crime, got a good shake when he got Judge Steinle III in charge of the Court.

 

We returned from lunch and welcomed Detective Flores back to the stand as presented by the defense. Jennifer Willmott handled the questioning wearing a blue business skirt suit with black high heeled shoes and black stockings. Her hair, as always, in perfect order resting on her shoulders.

 

The discussion went toward June 1, 2008 and who had who had access to the computer of Travis Alexander. She was able to establish that Travis Alexander’s roommates, Enrique Cortez and Zack Billings owned their own computers and would not have been on the computer in the office of Travis Alexander.

 

Jennifer Willmott presented a tape of Zack Billings and tried to get Detective Flores to say he recognized the voice of Zack Billings recorded a significant time earlier. She was playing the tape and it was heard that Zack Billings had never heard Travis Alexander say he was a virgin nor did he ever hear Travis Alexander say that he had lost his “Temple Recommend”.

 

I do not think she wanted the Jury to hear those things as she was quick to shut the interview off before the Jury heard more. I know the Jury saw this as inconsistent to what the defense team had presented far earlier in the retrial. Juries love details because that is where the truth often hides. This truth was itching to be exposed.

The next hour was a bickering squabble over details that Detective Flores would not give in to. It sounded like supposition and speculation which police investigations are typically not supposed to be about. There was definitely tension between Willmott and Flores. Much to the relief of everyone in the room, she completed her work with the detective.

 

I glanced at the Jury as Juan Martinez made his way to the center of his playing field, that zone between the Jury and in front of detective Flores. He paused before he began and I could see the Jury readying themselves for taking notes, some leaning forward. They knew by now that he moved fast when he was in his comfort zone. They would also be used to the fact that he pulled no punches and played no pleasantries with any witness even if was his own.

 

“Do you recognize this?” he asked Flores as he walked toward him with a piece of paper in his hand. Along the way, he said “May I approach?”

 

“You may,” Judge Stevens responded. She watched Juan and Flores intently as she did with all testimony.

 

“Will you look at Exhibit number 810. Do you recognize this?” he asked as he handed Flores the paper.

 

Juan looked at his feet and rocked back imperceptibly. He waited patiently for Flores to give it back and he agreed he recognized it. Juan then marched over to the projection screen and displayed the paper for the Jury to see.

 

“What is this, Detective Flores?” he asked as he turned to face the witness.

 

“It is a Chain of Custody receipt,” Flores answered.

 

“It’s a voucher from the Mesa Police Department dated June 19, 2009. Is that right?” Juan asked.

 

“It is,” Flores answered.

 

“Would I be correct in saying that this is a log of any movements of the Compaq Presario? It goes in and out of computer forensics evidence room, right?”

 

“Yes,” Detective Flores answered while his hands rested comfortably in his lap.

 

“Can anybody come in off the street and look at evidence?”

 

“No, they can’t.”

“Can anybody access computer forensic evidence without a Chain of Custody form being filled out?”

 

“No.”

 

“You always give notice if you or anyone on the case needs to look at it?”

 

“Correct.”

“This form says you returned it around five o’clock. Is there any reason to believe that’s not true?”

 

“The personnel who check it in and out of the property room fill out the form and are in charge of making sure items are logged. This has a bar scan on it which shows it was returned at 16:51,” Flores explained.

 

“You check it out over a counter?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are they open twenty four hours?” Juan Martinez asked.

 

“No. I believe they stop around nine in the evening.”

 

“Is anyone there to check out computer evidence at eleven o’clock at night?”

 

“No, Sir,” Flores answered.

 

“Do you know of any computer that turns on and off on its own?” Juan asked.

 

There were nine Jurors busily taking notes.

 

“No.”

 

“You are familiar with computer operating systems as an investigator?”

 

“Yes,” Flores answered dutifully.

 

Juan moved in for the attack. “Doesn’t a computer have to be on for an operating system to work?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Juan Martinez opened his palm and looked at it as if he was holding an invisible computer. “So, if the operating system is not on, can it access files within the browser?”

 

“No,” Flores answered. “It would be like running a car without a key.”

 

Juan then brought the questioning back to June 1, 2008, days before Travis Alexander was murdered. The laptop was in his office that he allowed anyone in the household to access. He did not believe in making boundaries in his own home. He was known for leaving his doors unlocked.

 

“The computer was in his office, wasn’t it?” Juan asked Flores.

 

“Yes.”

 

“The defendant would have had access to it?”

 

“Yes,” Flores responded.

 

“Travis Alexander never kept the door locked, did he?”

 

“Not that I know of,” Flores answered.

 

“His house was available to everyone because he liked it that way, didn’t he?”

 

“There was no indication his office was locked, was there?” Juan asked, stopping.

 

“No.”

 

“The defendant had access to it as well, didn’t she?” Juan reiterated.

 

“Yes,” Flores said.

 

Juan Martinez finished with his witness. For a moment, he had managed to bring us all, including the Jury, into Travis Alexander’s life. It may only have been for a moment but he was suddenly human again. It was not about computers and pornography or whether they went on and off in the night. It was about a man who was caring and opened his door to all without fear. It was as if his empty office stood in the courtroom and an innocuous computer on a back desk brought him to life, if only for a moment.

 

Jennifer Willmott finished with Detective Flores but it sounded weak and without weight. She tried to imply that logs might have been changed because of his superior position within the Mesa Police Department. There was a typographical error on the form and maybe he should have made a supplement to the document to rectify this error.

 

Detective Flores felt it was too minor to worry about in spite of Willmott’s vehemence that something should have been done.

 

She grasped the edges of the podium. “There’s another issue I would like to discuss. You know that Jodi Arias was nowhere near Mesa on June 1, 2008, don’t you?” she asked accusingly.

 

“Yes,” Flores answered.

 

“She was not in Mesa, Arizona. She was in Yreka, California. Right?”

 

“Yes,” Detective Flores answered.

 

The Jury would look into this tidbit when they got in the Jury room once deliberations started. I don’t think they believed Jennifer Willmott. I don’t think they believe Jodi Arias. I think they will want to know who was really on the computer on June 1, 2008.

 

The Jury’s day went south when Judge Stevens informed them that they would need to advise her of any conflicts for February as this trial was going a little longer than expected. The Jury already knew that since they had told their employers, husbands, wives, children and schools they would be complete by December 18, 2014.

 

The Jury was dismissed until Tuesday of next week and Judge Stevens ruled on the motion to remove the death penalty from the table because of the defense claims of malfeasance by the prosecution, sometimes worded as prosecutorial misconduct.

The Jury is probably irritated but not surprised that there is another month expected trial. They are certainly confused about the computer and why it seemed so important when they have to live with the face of Travis Alexander in his final moments every moment of their lives until they reach a decision in the matter. The computer and the issues arisen because of it hardly seems the value of a single raindrop in a hurricane named Travis.

In the end, Judge Stevens said that the death penalty shall remain on the table.

I wonder if Jodi Arias shed emotionless tears that night on her cot, alone in her cell, as she realized the Grim Reaper may soon be standing at her door….

 

Every good relationship that develops as a result of this Trial is the

manifestation of the Spirit of Travis Alexander.”

 

Justice 4 Travis Alexander…

 

Justice for Dale…

 

Paul A. Sanders, Jr.

The 13th Juror @The13thJurorMD (Twitter)

 

Brain Damage: A Juror’s Tale” also available on:

 

Barnes and Noble Booksellers

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/brain-damage-a-jurors-tale?keyword=brain+damage+a+jurors+tale&store=book


The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law; Letting Your Jury Die Of Old Age

January 12, 2015

I hope sometimes Judge Stephens at least has their plots picked out. It seems like the least she could do – Arizona

Well her we are everyone, the 2nd to last class before exams. Letting your Jury Die of Old Age. YAY! Tonights class promises to be as exciting as it sounds. Before we get to class as usual, your Queen/law professor/dean of fuckery/economics professor/sarcasm expert has some house keeping matters that need to be attended to.

Christine Beswick sent us a note this morning and since I am not sure if you all saw it, here it is. You all are so deeply appreciated I wish I had words to say. Hours later, a whole night sleep even later, and I am still speechless at the response from yesterday. The words thank just seem so *small* in comparison to the feelings of gratitude I have for yall! You’ve left this writer speechless! My deepest gratitude to each of you, and especially to dear Kelly for co-ordinating the mission with her troops. Nothing but love for you Kelly! And you guys too! Honestly, it is people like all of you that make me choose writing/truth telling on a Sunday over couch time. Any day of the week! Much love to the RBMD family! Thank you thank you thank you!!! *kisses*

I am so proud of how quickly you all rallied around our friend Christine when she needed us. Of course she can hold her own, but with the threat of a deluge of the ten or so people plus all their alternate personalities I figured better safe than sorry. That and I think we can all agree that a good time was had by all. Well all people not named SW. I cannot abide bullies. Not now, not ever. Especially when said bully is going after any one of you. That I will not have.

Just Da Truth has been added to the blog roll. I have read a lot of his blog and it is good, so if you are looking for someone different to read, check out Just da Truth. It is a very good blog with a ton of info on Stabbykins.

Now on to todays class. I will provide a synopsis of todays court proceedings and get to the root of the class. Allowing your Jury to simply expire of old age and the ramifications thereof.

True to form, sometimes Judge Stephens started out the day with a sidebar because at this point we wouldn’t want our oldest juror to have a heart attack at a sudden change in the routine. Tweets will be brought to you by Jens Trial Diaries and will appear in quotes unless otherwise stated.

Detective Flores was called to the stand because of course we are still going with porngate. They don’t have anything else and we are trying to drag this out long enough to bump off a couple of the jurors so Flores takes his place on the stand. Jenny From the Cell Block is running this line of questioning and is asking Detective Flores about controlling the crime scene. “Jen is going over the electronic evidence on the scene…phones, laptops etc and the policy in handling them” Detective Flores while looking at Jenny like she had two or more heads said he was well aware of the procedures regarding the computers and he knew he was not supposed to turn it off or on. Since the screen on the laptop was dark he grabbed a pen and poked one of the keys bringing it out of sleep mode. This is NOT turning the computer off or on just for the tinfoil hat wearing bunch out there. He then reported the status of the computer to forensics all per SOP. So Jenny, the same one that asked Dr. DeMarte TWICE during the original trial why she hadn’t interviewed the very dead Travis now asked a completely gobsmacked Detective Flores if he thought it was okay to turn the computer on. The computer that was in sleep mode and was not turned on. That computer. She asked a bunch more crap about the computer that didn’t really matter much and then we got to some more important stuff. “Willmott asks if Flores stopped the defense from looking at evidence and Flores says no he didn’t interfere” Detective Flores then emphatically stated that he did not turn the computer on. He said that Juan was sitting in a corner taking notes and was on the phone. The judge then excused the jury so that Jenny could question Flores in an attempt to form some foundation.

OMG she asked Detective Flores if he recalled Juan making comments about looking for nude photo’s of Stabby Einstein. Ewwwwww. Someone pass the brain bleach and AS IF YOU SKANK HO BITCH. Jenny says that two other lawyers heard him say this??? What lawyers?? When?? Why is this a new thing?? Anyway Juan got a little hot pretty fucking fast at that statement and said to the judge if you are going to let this in lets talk about how the prosecutor said how horrific the crime scene was ( I still find it odd that he refers to himself in the third person) and what a liar multiple Stabby is with her plethora of lies about what happened. Sometimes Judge Stephens says it’s irrelevant. All of it. “Juan says at the time, the accusation of Travis looking at porn or the pedophilia accusation wasn’t even brought up yet.”

OMG I’m dyyyyying. The defense wants Juan to be removed as lead council so that he can be called as a witness. Now this is a maneuver I have seen in a trial or two and it never works and always pisses the judge and the prosecutor off. And it did. Alfred E. decided this was a perfect time for one of his patented fits (pitching a Nurmi- copyright pending) He is now begging for her to let them call Juan as a witness and demanding a mistrial. AGAIN. SOMEMORE. STILL.

There was a ten minute recess. Now, I have a source in Arizona who told me Friday that the transcripts would be released on Tuesday but asked me to keep it to myself so I did. During the recess I found out my source is still a great source because the transcripts are being released on Tuesday. We also found out there will be no ruling on the DP motion until either Flores or the computer tech are done their testimony, but we are not sure yet which one.

Flores is now back on the stand and is holding firm to his earlier testimony. “Willmott is saying this testimony was false and Juan objects for vouching and we have a sidebar”

Back from sidebar: Flores says defense expert testified also no porn on computer Jenny begins to giggle an evil little giggle for some unknown reason. “Willmott is saying a Mr. Brown found a porn video on the computer. F says he doesn’t know he hasn’t reviewed the whole report” and with that the seething pitbull is up.

Juan first tells the jury that the crime scene wasn’t pristine because Travis’ friends had been on scene before police arrived. Juan asked Flores that unless god comes down on the scene they are all contaminated correct? Detective Flores answered yes. “Juan asks if there was a different policy at the time of this crime on looking at computers on scene. Flores says Yes” “Juan is reading a policy from 09 and Nurmi wants to approach” Detective Flores provided the power source for the laptop and defense team plugged it in. The pitbull asked if one of Flores duties was defense babysitter to which he answered no.

Juan brought up Lonnie Dworkin and how he went and made images and copies himself. He said that in 2009 these mods would have been known to the defense computer expert. And Lunch is mercifully called #giftfrombabyjesus.

So, to reiterate. The defense was accusing Juan of looking for porn on TA and JA’s computer. He denied it vigorously as did Detective Flores. Sometimes Judge Stephens remembered she was indeed sometimes a judge and refused to allow the defense to bring in the accusation about the prosecutor looking for porn. In a report from Det. Brown it states there was no porn movie on this hard drive that belonged to Travis. Smith was talking about the registry only but he said it only had terms on it and no actual porn correct? Flores answered in the affirmative Then the mighty pitbull roared. There was NO child porn of any kind found on any hard drives belonging to Travis Alexander Correct. Flores answered with a resounding correct and the the Travis is a pedophile train barreled off the tracks and hit a building.

And just like that court was over for the day. Nobody knows why. A motion to preclude a witness for the state has been filed and my in house psychic says that witness they do not want anywhere near the stand is Dr. DeMarte. We will have transcripts 2morrow and court on Wednesday again and we still do not have a ruling on the DP thing, although I would say the lack of ruling and the fact that trial is sort of continuing answers that question.

Now, how does all this fit into letting your jury die of old age?  Well, we have now been in the retrial phase since October. It is January and we are going over the same stuff over and over again. I give this at least another month or so.  Our oldest juror could be dead by then.  Several more may be bored to death and then we won’t have enough jurors to get a verdict. That would mean a mistrial and good old not a judge would have to impose sentence.  Alfred E is a slick one.  In a slime highway kind of way.

Oh and tweet of the day goes to @Banyarola who said Do you guys realize we fought and won WW2 in less time then this trial has taken?

That is it for tonight my lovelies

RBMD peacing the fuck out.
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The Stabby Einstein Penalty Phase Retrial-Kelly Bounced, So You Get The In-House Psychic Edition

October 31, 2014

Kim Jong Un just friended Arizona on Facebook-Arizona

Hello.  Um, Kelly said she needed to take a minute….something about Stabby and then PV going out trick or trouting and crazy people on twitter and communist countries…..I don’t know either and I can fucking read minds, I just know she mad!!!

Anyway, she said to tell you she would see you tomorrow for sick fuck Saturday and to try and keep you all entertained with Stabby news of some kind.   Since  I am a fucking Psychic and NOT a blog writer, I ‘m not exactly sure what that means, so I have been bouncing from mind to mind of the Stabby camp to try and come up with something, anything to write.  I don’t know if I mentioned it, but your Law Professor/Dean of Fuckery somehow managed to wrangle me into a thousand year contract of indentured servitude.  That and she scares me a little.

I actually caught a break since the whole lot of them ended up back in court today for the pesky little court blackout thing.  Of course sometimes not a Judge Stephens denied it and it is now being appealed to a higher court. Troy Hayden of Fox10 went on air to say that he has had three separate sources say that it was indeed Stabby on the stand yesterday just like the bosslady figured. (she made me say that) Anyway, Stabby jingle jangled her way into court today in her lovely stripes to see what not a Judge Stephens had to say.

I decided to save Stabby for last since getting into her head is every single bit as nauseating as it sounds, and I like to save the vomit inducement part of the program for last whenever possible.  I started with Nurmi, but as usual lately he was crying in his head so I figured I would come back to him later.  Next I stopped on Jenny….wait, something is coming in from the boss.  Yes I am writing your stupid blog.  Yes I do know what indentured servitude means.  You’re a law professor, it’s not like you haven’t told me a million times. Uh, huh.  Okay.  Yes. Can I finish this sometime tonight now?  Kthxbai.

She said to put up a link to Troy on Fox so……here. http://www.fox10phoenix.com/clip/10799424/arias-defense-attorney-tries-to-close-courtroom

Anyway Jenny from the Cell Block was sitting next to Stabbykins because she and Nurmi need to be separated by at least one person at all times. Jenny looked as high as usual and like Stabby had managed to drain a little bit more of whatever life force is left in her. Her defenses are pretty much nil at this point so I had no trouble getting into her head.
Why do I have to be here? Fuck. I was supposed to meet my dealer at 4. No way I am going to make that now. And why do I have to sit here? Why does nobody remember what she said to me during the last trial.
Then this popped in her head. stabby escape God this chick is a nutbag. Smile and nod Jenny, she’s looking at you again. Remember to put extra hair spray on tomorrow. I think she may actually be scaring me bald. I wonder if my dealer can hook up with me later. Can we just move this along. We all know that Stabby’s friend Judge Stephens is going to deny this motion so WHY ARE WE EVEN HERE!! I wonder if she is going to ask me for another ball gown and an Oscar like last time. And I don’t want to hear about how she plans on smuggling it into the jail. Gross. Damn, this motion hearing is harshing my mellow in a big way. Fuck it, maybe if I turn towards Alfred E just a little, I can play angry birds on my phone and Stabby won’t notice.

Next I bounced over to Juan because Nurmi was still sobbing in his head. Juan is always fun to get a read on. DIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCH…….Hey!! Why has nobody tossed one of those good boy treats at me yet? I like those. This Judge is a complete fucking idiot. I have never come across a Judge like this in the history of my career. It’s quite disturbing when you think about the implications of what she is doing. That’s okay, I am sure the level heads in a higher court,  judges separated from this trial will see the error is Judge Stephens ruling. Even if the ruling remains intact, it’s not going to make even a scintilla of difference. The facts are on my side. She is a convicted murderess and all that is left to do is finish my case and then DIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCHDIEBITCH………..It went on like that through the whole hearing, while he left the building, as he walked to his car, when he stopped for coffee and until  he saw a puppy.

Nurmi was up next. He had himself under some semblance of control so I went ahead and took the read. FUCK.MY.LIFE. FUCKIT!! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS SHIT. It’s nice that Jenny stays so stoned she hasn’t realized that she is a screwed as I am. I should probably tell her, but she will come down soon enough and realize where she is and that is always a fun moment. I can’t believe this dumb assed judge is going for any of this. Anti death penalty judges are AWESOME!! I can’t help it if the crazy bitch wants the court closed. She won’t tell me why, but I know. I bet a billion dollars that we are on the cusp of story number 4 and she doesn’t want anyone to know she is going to change her story again. Watch her say her daddy diddled her when she was a baby now. Or her mommy sold her ass for heroin money. Something. Well screw it, I’m just going to sit here and let her say whatever the fuck she wants. I’m not asking her anything because that way I’m not suborning perjury, but if she wants to say she was abducted by aliens and the anal probe is what got her started down this road, that’s fine with me. Fucking Bitch. I FUCKING HATE YOU SO HARD YOU FUCKING BITCH.

I went to not a Judge Stephens next but all I got was that horrible white noise sound from the sidebar. Weird!!

Last and absolutely least, and after downing several gravol and some alka-seltzer just for good measure I got to Stabby Einstein. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha…………Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh my god, I cannot believe that she is going for this. Got myself out of my cell on a Friday, got the entire legal panel for the media here, fucked with that goddamn nasty prosecutors day, and Alfred E. is looking pretty pissed. Ahahahahahahahahaha. I swear, that perfume that Jenny is wearing smells just like weed. She says it’s called ESCAPE. Love that name, gonna get some as soon as my appeal gets done and I get out of here. Can’t wait for trick or trouting tonight. I have no idea what that is, but my new number 1 flag waver PV tells me it’s way better than trick or treating. I bet I can get 1500 for this pair of glasses. Cha Cha better be picking up all these Styrofoam cups I have put wonder hole number 3 on so that I can auction those too. You know George and Joe will buy all of them because my DNA has graced the rims….ohhh that sounds so dirty….now I’m horny. Hopefully, I will be incarcerated at least long enough to win Prison Idol for another year. Peons. They should all just realize that they need to bow before me like this stupid judge. She gets it that I am so much more Einstein-y than she is. I won’t have to de-edify her I guess. God I hate my hair. Can’t wait to get back on the stand. Wait till they hear the story I cooked up this time. It’s awesome!! They want mitigation? Oh I’ve got your mitigation bitches. It’s not lying if the jury doesn’t know what I said on the stand the first time. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Why is Jenny turned away from me like that? Bitch better not be playing on her cell phone again. Maybe it’s time to have another talk. About sharp instruments and stuff. Hope we can drag this out till dinner. Jenny better have gotten my gown by court on Monday. I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and….EWWWWW that is it!!

There you go. I have written a blog and lived up to my contract. Kelly will see you tomorrow with her regularly scheduled programming.

In house Psychic DEFINITELY peacing the fuck out!!

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The Really Big Mean Dog School Of Law: Seating a Jury and Other Necessary Annoyances.

September 29, 2014

-I’m self employed, I have ebola, my dog ate my jury summons, No Habla Englis – Arizona

Welcome class. Please hurry and take your seats. This class will be focusing on seating a jury for a re-trial that the whole world watched and other things you don’t want to do. We were going to have a guest speaker tonight, Troy from Fox10, but he was covering the very trial we are going to be discussing tonight and the CONVICT looked at him and smiled. Obviously filing the restraining order was much more important than speaking to us. We all understand.

As a Law Professor and Dean of Fuckery of The Really Big Mean Dog School of Law and since we are studying this case, I felt it would be pertinent for me to attend todays proceedings. My press credentials help. Unfortunately I was busy working on todays lesson plan so the in-house Psychic will be giving you a synopsis of what happened in court today. In house Psychic, if you could come up to the front of the class please. Thank you. Take it away in-house psychic.

Uh….hey everybody. Um, I’m a little nervous, I don’t have to speak in front of people very often. Before I begin, I would like you all to know that once you pass the bar, you should never, ever take a job offered by your illustrious Professor. She will have you sign a contract that keeps you indentured forever, no matter what vomit inducing things she makes you do. You can get more money, but you can never leave her service. Anyway, this is what happened in court today.

All the main players were present. Nurmi was a combination of pissed off and resigned. He wasn’t paying much attention, he just kept thinking about where his chair was, if Jenny from the Cell Block had brought enough weed, if they were going to require a separate chair for Cha Cha’s earrings and whether or not he had tossed his suits from when he was fat. He seemed concerned that he was going to require them. Jenny from the Cell Block just looked stoned. She and Stabby kept staring into each others eyes and blowing kisses. Cha Cha was present. She seemed to be paying no attention what so ever. I wonder how much money I pulled in from the Justice4Stabby site was the only thing rolling around in her brain. Stabby was brought in sans shackles and wearing a grey sweater that perfectly matched her skin-tone. A search party has been formed to look for Stabby’s bangs, they are missing. She was also wearing a pair of glasses as seen on her auction for her totally authentic auction for her glasses as worn at trial. There were about a hundred jurors in the first bunch, about an equal number of men and women. Stabby seemed to be having a staring contest with one and the poor potential was visibly freaked out. She blurted out something about having to be at school and was dismissed. She bolted from the courtroom and immediately sought counselling. Several potentials were dismissed for not speaking English, but I took a quick read and spoiler (they all speak English.) King Juan and Sir Esteban were present. Our pit-bull, King Juan was not looking particularly rabid yet and Sir Esteban only had to throw him a couple of good boy treats. Judge Stephens just looked vaguely confused.
Most of the first panel were fairly intelligent potential jurors and came up with all kinds of interesting reasons to not be on the jury. Judge Stephens came out of the trance she was in long enough to tell potentials they may not contact the media, watch the news and they are banned from social media. Alfred E. Nurmi of course asked for a sidebar. Jurors will not be sequestered. The trial is expected to last until mid-December. Okay, I’m out. Back to Professor Kelly and Law Class.

Thank you in-house psychic. Everybody thank the in house psychic. Sorry, it’s in her contract.

Anyway back to Jury selection. For the purposes of this class we will use the case we have been studying:

The Great State of Arizona and King Juan the 1st V Stabby Anal Einstein.

First, some terms you will find useful unless you want to have no clue what is going on in the courtroom.

Venire: No students, it is not the finish on your floor or Jenny from the Cell Blocks teeth. That would be veneer. A Venire is a panel of prospective jurors.

Voire Dire: Not a French ungulate. The process through which potential jurors from the venire are questioned by either the judge or a lawyer to determine their suitability for jury service. Also the preliminary questioning of witnesses (especially experts) to determine their competence to testify. Voire Dire is when the most intelligent potential jurors will be shown the door. They you see have figured out how to avoid jury duty. The judge will question the Venire asking such questions as will sitting on the jury cause any undo hardship and do you think you can remain impartial. Using the above case as an example, some of the excellent reasons that jurors came up with to not sit on the jury: I have an issue with whores, I have an issue with fake domestic violence claims, I just flat out hate the bitch and I am ready to vote for the death penalty right now.

Challenges for Cause: The right to challenge a juror without assigning, or being required to assign, a reason for the challenge. During the selection of a jury, both parties to the proceeding may challenge prospective jurors for a lack of impartiality, known as a challenge for cause. A party may challenge an unlimited number of prospective jurors for cause. The judge will be required to step in if one of the lawyers decides this might be easier than say filing motions. Challenges for cause have been stopped by the judge when a lawyer was obviously trying to stack the jury with all men, or trying to stack the jury with all white people or all ninjas or whatever. That is a big, big no-no.

Peremptory Challenge: Peremptory challenges provide a more impartial and better qualified jury. Peremptory challenges allow an attorney to reject a potential juror for real or imagined partiality that would be difficult to demonstrate under the challenge for cause category. These challenges, however, have become more difficult to exercise because the U.S. Supreme Court has forbidden peremptory strikes based on race or gender.

Parties do not have a federal constitutional right to exercise peremptory challenges. Peremptory challenges are granted by statute or by case law. The number of challenges is usually determined by statute, but some jurisdictions allow the trial court to grant additional peremptory challenges. In federal court each side is entitled to three peremptory challenges. If more than two parties are involved in the proceeding, the court may either grant additional challenges or restrict the parties to the minimum number of challenges. In the case we are studying, the parties each have three peremptory challenges.

Once all the Venires have been gone through, the judge and the attorneys will begin to question the potential jurors and that is when the challenges for cause and the peremptory challenges will begin. On the second round of voire dire the questions are much more detailed and are often tailored to individual potential jurors. This is when the second most intelligent jurors will normally be removed from the panel.

The case we are studying is an interesting one. The potential jurors questions have been kept under wraps. A panel of highly qualified smart asses were convened to come up with relevant questions to ask the jurors. Fortunately I happen to have an in house Psychic, so for this class only I bring you Stabby Einstein Jury Questions.

What is YOUR definition of SKANK? Credit to @JodisDiary
Can you ID the 3 Wonder Holes? Credit to @Sturgeongal
What do you think about Snow White? Credit to @AngelRoars
Can you dedicate enough time to this trial? Like, until your social security kicks in? Credit to @SheilaNJ
Do you believe that during the alleged “body slam” that Jodi got a 1st Down? Credit to BarbRichter1
This trial may or may not contain “fog”. Are you a meteorologist and if so can you unlearn all college education? Credit to @mohiclaire
Were you ever a juror in Florida? Credit to @thriftymaiden
Do you have anything against white American Ninjas?
Do you believe that “Three-Hole Wonders” are an endangered species & therefore protected? Credit to @thriftymaiden
On 9 out of 10 days do you prefer Murdering Skanks or Pizza? Credit to @BarbRichter1
Do you have an irrational fear of rogue skateboarders and/or an affinity for collecting red gas cans? Credit to @BarbRichter1
Do you have any knowledge whatsoever of what the ten commandments actually say?
Do you actually understand what indigent means? Credit to unknown I forgot to write it down. message me if it’s yours
Does it bother you when multi-syllabic words are used incorrectly?
Can you list five places on your person to hide poprocks, tootsie pops and a toblerone bar? Credit to @DoctorGooFee
In YOUR opinion, should the seven dwarfs have been stabbed and decapitated? How about shot?
Do you think braids are HAWT?
Have you ever de-edified someone?
Can you look at Stabby and remain impartial contemporaneously?

That is it for tonight class. Next class we will be discussing more on this trial as well as a strange case of multiple personality disorder. This case is disturbing on many levels. It started out as simple assault with a fish and by the time the woman was found not responsible due to mental disease or defect she was actually tweeting to herself. Very sad.

Have a wonderful evening and don’t forget to study. We may or may not have a midterm coming up anywhere from 5 to 455 days from now.

Class dismissed.

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